Why do I feel like I don't deserve all of this?

The things I get. The opportunities. The friends I make.

I am just letting everything come to me. The effort being put in by them is so incomparable to the effort that I am putting in. They are trying so hard. Here I am, thinking that I tried so hard and eventually, giving up and just hoping for the best in whatever the outcome is. Why am I not the one searching for all of this? Why am I just letting everything come to me? Why?

I don't think I deserve all of this. I just don't.

Thoughts

Why are we so distant now? Is it me or..? I guess it's me. I haven't been talking to you that often and now, all I feel is just emptiness and separation. I lost that sense of belonging that I always felt whenever I am with you. What happened between now and then? I feel so left out. Is it how I portray myself? Or how I seem to always bail out of outings? Or is it cos I don't talk to you as often now? Too many questions but they are left with no answers. Just. Why? 

Why is this happening now? 

What if

What if I decided to exit out of your life without any caution?




What if I told you that it is best if I just leave?




What if there is that one day when I made up my mind to move elsewhere and never come back?




Just what if..